Thoroughly exhausted.

So ten days since I last posted...seems more like a month!!!!

My birthday was the 15th and we had intended a walk and picnic along the canal somewhere in the sunshine that we had been promised...but we woke up to the most digusting, miserable looking day we have had for a long time. So we went off to the woods for a walk so that we would have shelter from the elements.
I had not really expected any presents on my birthday as we had only just bought Louis and my very expensive but well worth the money, walking boots, but I was pleasantly surprised with some gardening tools and gloves and two DVD's....The Waltons and Little House on the Prairie.
I loved those programmes so much as a child, dare I say teenager? Its just the whole family thing that I loved. Wooden houses in the countryside. All a bit twee I know, but I love them never the less!
So we sat down to watch the Waltons after lunch...yes, as a family!!!! and half way through the second episode, I realised that the sun was starting to show through!!! Jonathan and I were becoming increasingly fidgety so abandoned the living room for the kitchen and eventually spilled out in to the garden.

And a birthday cake made by Rob...it is supposed to be a sunshine. Aren't I lucky! Lemon sponge with lemon curd in the middle. Yummy!!

Rob and I eventually snuck (is that a word?!!) away for a walk along the canal in th esunshine with Will and Louis, and left Tom to cook tea for them. We even managed to go to a village pub for a meal afteer putting the younglings to bed, leaving the oldies to watch a film and puppy sit!!!


So wow! What a wonderful birthday!


And so I wonder then, why I have been have such a personally wobbly week?
Unsettled and feeling low inside.

We attempted to move our kitchen into the dining room and make the kitchen in to a boot/utility room, which is a fantastic idea in theory but in practice, with out th emoney to get the sink fitted and a downstairs shower room installed, it wasn't going to work just yet. It would be a good plan though. Keep the mud in one room, and maybe, just maybe, I wouldn't feel so stressed out by being indoors?!!
Hmmm. I'll let you work that one out.

On Saturday afternoon, following the failed room swop plan, and having put all the coat hooks back up in the cubby holes and put all the stuff back that we had moved....yes, we had actually dragged the fridge from the kitchen in to the dining room just to see what it would feel like!!!!!
we went off to the woods to camp. Tom had gone off on Friday evening for an Explorer camp (almost too old for Scouts now) so it was just the 5 of us and the dog!!! Two tents and all the paraphanalia found its way somehow into the car, and off we went!

We found a suitable bit behind some fir trees for cover, and put up the tents and lit a fire. We cheated slightly this time by doing the main bulk of the cooking on a stove, but it was all good fun. Sleeping wasn't quite how I envisaged it though. I expected the wee one and the puppy to be a nuisance, but the older two to talk and mess about for a bit before iving up and going to sleep exhausted.....no!!!!! Will went to bed about 8.30 and we sent the other two off about 9.....Louis went in with us about 10. Will slept pretty well, only waking up once, and LOuis was an absolute star!!!!!! But those two boys? They seemed to talk ALL night......everytime I woke up, which was very frequently, I can assure you, I could hear them....yak yak yak
Then there were the badger noises, fox barking and a few pheasants squarking....
And at about 5.30 there was a load of noise which initially conjured up images of a tribe of indians on horseback hurtling along the track, but which I later realised was probably the farmer moving his sheep...or feeding time. It was the wierd war cry/yodling noise that I couldn't place!!!!

We got up at 6 and had a cup of tea or two before packing everything up and heading off home, thoroughly exhausted!!!
''But we couldn't sleep'' was all they could manage to come up with!!!

Most people would have gone home to have a relaxing day at home after that, but no, not us!!!
Off to the Hunter Trials to watch the novice section....some really beautiful horses and ponies jumping cross country jumps, a few of which we knew and others that we had seen the year before, but much improved! Jon has hopes to take Bob next year..........

And then, Will, David and I stayed home while they went fishing!!!! Tom came home exhausted from camp and cycling the 12 miles home on someone else's bike!!!

So a restful day on Monday, you would think, wouldn't you...
Jonathan and I took Bob out on an 8 mile ride.....me on my bike. We were seeing how long it would take us to hack over to our friends place to use her outdoor school.
Then a walk along the canal in the afternoon when Rob got home from work.

Tuesday. Must be a day of rest I hear you cry?!
Nope. A family bike ride, Louis included, over to our friends outdoor school so Jonathan could do a few jumps in preparation for a lesson later on in the week!!!
Will went on the back of Rob's bike and Tom towed Louis in the bike trailer!!!
Well, we had to make the most of the sunshine didn't we? It was 10 miles in total, and Rob took the other boys to the park while Jon used the school. I was really proud of Jon because he has never done that before. He did some 20 metre circles and canter work before doing a few jumps. He and Bob seemed really relaxed and worked really well, despite the heat. And boy it was hot!!! We only stayed 20 minutes, but at least we proved we could do it.
I spent a bit of time in the veggie patch after that, planting the runner bean plants and erecting their wigwams.
Yesterday, we aired the trailer tent so that we could advertise it...washing the inner tents and wiping over the cover. It looks to have wintered well, and I am tempted to kep it, but we have no tow bar anymore and the boys need the space in the front garden.
Then we had a picnic tea along the canal, after dropping the car off at the garage for its MOT etc
A couple of photos follow of eggs that were laid yesterday...one blank quail egg and a very small, strange shaped hen's egg that had no yolk.




Off to cook some lunch now, and then taking Jonathan for his riding lesson. Some more photos to upload later of the veggie patch and the ducklings out in the sunshine!

Drum roll please....

Now I'm not one to boast, but I'm so pleased with this...

I made this on the knitting machine we were given by a lovely lady that Rob works with. It is a very old machine...the magazines that came with it were from the 60's and hasn't been used for a VERY long time. It has laid redundant in her attic since her children are now grown up with children of their own!! I have never used one before, and I didn't get a demonstration from her, just the original instruction booklet. I had a few practice sessions getting to grips with it. I followed the book for a while, as it does a real step by step approach which just doesn't go fast enough for an impatient person like me!!! I wanted to knit a jumper, and I wanted to do it now!!!

So I made a pair of bed socks using the same pattern I used for Will's socks before and an elf hat. Both in DK which the machine didn't seem to really like..not sure if it was the thickness of the wool or the quality??? So off I went to the wool shop and bought some beautiful baby soft 4 ply. (I still have the lady's voice ringing in my ear's about her friend who had had her carpel tunnel syndrome operation and was back to normal, knitting, crocheting and everything. Well, good for her. I am pleased. So has my brother by the way, but I am still suffering from the last two NHS blunders to trust them again, so soon. I think it will be a while before I let them loose on my right wrist!!!)

Lovely lady though, and she said she would be happy to go through her catalogues with me to order in whatever I wanted.

And so I created this jumper for William. Mainly while they were in Cornwall at granny's but I finished it off yesterday. Although I followed the pattern in one of the old sixties magazines, I had to change the neck slightly and it fits!!!!! Just a button to add and a couple of loose ends to sew in.

AND HE LIKES IT!!!!!!! Yay!!

And this is one of our new arrivals.....

Four out of the 6 eggs hatched, so we now have 4 little Khaki Campbell ducklings in the kitchen. They are just sooooo cute!!! I love ducks. I just hope that at least one of them is a girl...fingers crossed.

We also have our little Pekin sitting on some quail eggs...that will be interesting if they hatch! And Jonathan is trying to hatch some pheasant eggs under the Silkie but I'm not sure that she is totally committed!

Louis is settling in well as Survival Family canine companion.I have been for lots of canal walks with him and am now brave enough to let him off the lead as long as there are no other dogs. Too dangerous. Not sure he can swim yet!! We went to our favourite local woodland yesterday afternoon, and had a good mooch about. He was great, off the lead and just being doggy! The boys found some clay pigeons that were intact and used them as targets for the catapult. Will wanted a bow and arrow like Jon so daddy made him one but without the string! Louis was so muddy at the end that we gave him a little bath when we got back...he seems to enjoy them.

Tom has been doing a bit more CB stuff...I can't say much about it as my knowledge is very limited!! But he is trying to persuade us to let him put up a huge aerial for a home base, and looking in to Ham radio rigs......!!!! He also read a whole book today while waiting to see if he could get anyone to talk to!!!

I have been reading Hiding Out to David and Jonathan recently. I can't even remember how I found it but it is just the sort of adventure book that boys love!! We are nearing the end and I am thinking of reading Swallows and Amazons next, or maybe The Little Grey Men...or even Robinson Crusoe or Swiss Family Robinson...oh, how do I choose?

David and I have been doing a Bald Eagle lapbook and although again it is a pre printed affair from Homeschool Share , an American website that has lots of free printable lapbooks, it has been enjoyable and we both like making the little mini books. David is growing in confidence with cutting out and his writing is getting more regular. He can easily write down what I say now when I spell each word, or he can copy more quickly than before. He is also less hesitant when trying to fit it in smaller spaces. Progress my friends, progress.

And my veg patch fence is completed....the patch is huge! In fact it is no longer a patch and is more like a veg garden. My broad beans that I planted last autumn are just starting to flower, so I assume that it means we will soon have broad beans for dinner, and the shallots that I gap filled with between the onions are already starting to sprout. The potatoes are all up and will need earthing up soon, and even the Potatoes for schools bags are doing well, despite being planted out before their shoots were 2 cms long. No signs of carrot seedlings yet, but then they were scarified by Louis on a number of occasions before the new fence went up!! The runner beans are all doing well in the 'greenhouse' and I think I saw Courgette seedlings trying to push up through the soil in their pots earlier today. A bit behind on my tomato plants though I think. Didn't plant those seeds until last week. I'll have to buy some plants from the village plant sale if they are a no show.

Off to bed now. Too many late nights and early mornings recently. Shattered.

A couple of veggie pics...

This first one is ofthe veg patch....it seems that my allotment plot isn't going to be available after all so yesterday we fenced off some more space in the garden for me. It started off as just fencing off the existing plot better from the puppy, as the old fence was too easy for him to squeeze through, but then we just decided to put up the new fence further over...Not a particularly pretty garden as we are waiting to puit some turf down on the left hand side, but it is functional, with the chickens down the end along side the shed, getting the early morning sun, and the veg patch getting as much light as possible on the right hand side. The original fence followed the line of the washing line you can see there, and as far as the triangular shaped hen run, which is currently protecting my potao plants as they are coming up. So you can see thatthe new fence which runs along side the path is giving me as much space again!!!! It will also come down as far as the pot you can see in the bottom right hand corner. Almost half the garden now!It isn't quite finished yet, but I can't wait to get out there and dig the new bit over!!

And these are two runner bean plants that Willie and I planted a few weeks ago, that have grown from my saved seeds from last years crop! I am so thrilled, as I thought I had taken them from the plant too soon, but obviously not. Lets hope some more of them grow and then I won't need to get any more seeds from the shop.

I'd like a pretty garden, really I would, but with wanting the chickens and the veg patch, there isn't much space for beauty if the boys are to have somewhere to play. Maybe nextyear we will look at some flowers that are hardy and low maintenace. I have got two honeysuckle plants to grow up the fence, which will certainly bring colour and attract the bees!

The two big boys are off fishing today at the resevoir with the boilies thay made last night, David is playing lego and Will is playing with some binoculars, being an explorer. Sun is shining intermittently despite the forecast for rain, and I am considering a frog lapbook with David....but when they are engrossed, it is wrong to pull them away, is it not. Hmm, so hard to get the timing right with these things.

And why is that when I am in the mood and have created the time for such 'schooly' things, does David (unaware of my intentions) find himself so engrossed in other things? And why does it feel such a big deal to get out the paper and things for the lapbooking/projects.....we seem to have so much stuff but it must be really badly organised or something for it to feel like that surely. Everything is in boxes, like things together. Books on shelves. Pencils and pens all easily accessible. I think it is just having Will that makes it so difficult to get going. Not knowing if he will leave us alone, join in nicely, or justbe co-operative by doing something alongside.

Oh help. Is it just me? I quite like the school at home feeling, as does David, but it is so hard to make it happen sometimes. Because we don't do it all the time, I guess. It doesn't come easily or naturally. Aaaah that must be it.

By the way, I think I just a duckling pipping inside its shell!! They area little late, but nothing in nature is set in stone.....I do hope 1 or 2 hatch outof the six. Fingers crossed everyone!

I've added a new gadget....

I've added a video bar guys...its a real funny song that Tom brought back on his phone from Oz and I've been meaning to add it since. Some recent postings on a few blogs I read about conversations on buses reminded me and so here it is. I think there are 4 versions to choose from there....the one with the actual guy performing is prob best because you have to really listen to the words, and I find the other ones with videos a bit distracting!!!
He's done lots apparently, but this one just really tickles me!!

This is for you, Liz!

So this is the mummy they were greeted by yesterday....it looks almost the same, as the one they left ...but the more astute amongst them noticed the subtle difference!! And yes, that is all you're going to get!!! Me and the camera haven't seen eye to eye for a long time, but we have defintitely parted company!!! As a hat hair do, it looks ok! But as an independant hair do, it just isn't doing for me what a hair cut should!
Now to brave the scissors again!!!!!!

Oh dear, I may have done something I will regret.....

Having had a lovely action packed but peaceful few days, I had the bright idea of having a haircut. Not just a trim you understand, but a full blown cut and blow dry. I have not had my hair trimmed since the middle of December and the ends were very much the worse for wear....split and difficult to get a comb through. Also where I had been wearing a clip a lot of the time there was a section in the middle that were damaged too.
So I had a really good cut.....which seemed like a good idea at the time! People who know me from old, will know that I spent a good many years having my hair cut, coloured and permed as my mood changed, so I am used to seeing myself in various different guises. Well, I was. Not any more!
It is a real shock to the system. I may have picked the wrong style for a number of reasons, and here I am stuck with it. Oooops!
Maybe they shouldn't have left me alone?
Maybe I should've gone to the dentist instead? (I'm overdue there aswell, but I would've thought the outcome would've been less drastic!!!)
I have gone for a kind of jaw length bob with a token gesture fringe....I wish I'd had the courage to take a before and after photo! It is a good cut, don't get me wrong. And it suits my face shape. It's just that it makes me look rounder than I already am!!! And possibly younger, but in a more frumpy way!!!
I think I need some layers.....and quick!
But how do you tell a hair dresser that is also your friend that you want it re done? Oh help!
Oh and sadly, there will be no picture to follow. I am not that brave!!

All by myself........

Well this is what it feels like to live on your own. Wierd. They have all gone off to Cornwall to visit granny leaving me and Louis to fend for ourselves!
I feel strange. Can't really define in what way yet but I'm sure it will come.
The house is very quiet. But still very untidy as if they are here, but muted! I had vowed to have a good tidy up while they are away but the sun is shining this morning so I think I'll be off for a walk very soon.
I have a new (very old, 1960's) knitting machine to play with and I hope to have made a jumper for Will by the time they return, but I'm enjoying my freedom far too much to spend the morning sitting down or tidying.
I so needed a break from the boys...probably more so from William and David as they are the most demanding obviously, as it ios nearly 18 months since the last time I had any time to myself of any length. I don't think a bath counts really does it!
But I wish that Rob and I could have a break together you know. Just a day or two...just to go for a walk and just be together with nothing to get back for or to get up to. I'm not greedy...just one weekend. *sigh* It seems so impossible right now. So unachievable. So far ahead in the distance. I really wasn't ready for another baby, not when I sit and think about why I feel the way that I do. I had only just found Rob, and to have to share him with another whole being so quickly was, is so difficult. We have missed out on time to go out as a couple. Time to do the things that we all love to do. It's as if my life has foreshortened somehow. I have spent far too many years (Will is now 3) feeling this way and powerless it seems to do anything about it.
Balance is the answer I know, but how does one achieve it with no family close or that is interested in helping?
So these next few days, I am looking within. I'm sure everyone thinks I 'll just be lounging around with my feet up, but I have another aim for these quiet days. Mental peace. Something I have not had for a very long time.
Right, off for a walk...the canal I think!