Carolyn and the blustery day.

I'm finding it hard to do much today...part of me wants to get outside and sort out my vegetable beds in the garden ready for my potatoes that are chitting, early sowings of carrots and possibly a row of cauliflowers; but the other part wants to stay in and tidy my house. The kitchen and dining room especially, as these are the rooms that suffer most from 'I'll just put it there for now' syndrome.
The trouble is that although outside the sun is shining, it is very blustery and so is interspaced with sudden very cold grey moments, and as I'm feeling a little fragile today (possibly keeping a sickness bug at bay) it isn't really happening.
But neither is the tidying! The trouble there is it just seems such a gargantuous task (is that a word?) and I know full well that even if I do achieve something anywhere near tidy, it will only take a couple of days to return to it's untidy state.
So what am I doing instead? As Big Mamma Frog would put it, a displacement activity. I'm reading other peoples blogs and wondering if others suffer from the same affliction.
I mean, how come there is a whole heap of William's clothes on a chair by the computer desk? Just the worn once kind of pile. But no matter how many times I pick it up, I just can't seem to decide what to do with them!!!
And the floors need washing, desperately, but the demoralisation I experience when one of the boys walks in the door in his muddy shoes and leaves muddy marks where he has taken them off, just doesn't inspire me to get up and fetch the mop.
Ho hum.
There is a plastic, small animal carrier ON my kitchen table that was returned, I think by our HE friends about a month ago...and it is still there!!!!! Where does it live? I have no idea!!! Maybe in the loft? In the outside store? The workshop? The thing is, it has never really had a home, proper. It kind of just gets moved from one place to another but had remained in use for the best part of last summer for one reason or another. And now, it just sits there looking sorry for itself...on MY kitchen table!!!
OK, so by now, you are all thinking that I have lost the plot completely...why am I worrying about such silly trivial things? Why don't I just get up and sort them out?
Well, it is just such a mammoth task that I don't feel that any one of these things will make a big difference to the grand scheme of things, and that while I type this the boys are all occupied happily in various activities, but you can bet your bottom dollar that as soon as I make a start, they will all suddenly appear wanting food or such like and I will have to stop mid flow.
Why is that?
Is it like the law that says toast always falls butter side down? Or the one that makes it rain as soon as you leave the house and have left your washing on the line? Or the one where you remember that you have forgotten something as soon as you are too far away from the house to go back to fetch it?
Ho hum.
I have made bread today, and hung out three loads of washing, cleaned the quails out and chatted to the chickens. But that is everyday stuff that I can do with my eyes shut...its just the bigger tasks that I can't manage!!
And another one...why is it colder in my dinig room than it is outside?!!!!!
Todays weather seems to mirror my state of mind...grey and windy with sunny spells!!!

Long live the sunshine...for without it, I am lost.

Well, as usual when its been a while since I've posted, it is because we have been so very busy rather than it being too dull to post about.

I've been learning to 'embrace' my melancholy times a bit rather than trying to fight it. I'm not saying that I don't get into a state but I try to distance myself from everyone and get on with what I need to do to put it right, and let things jog along without me screaching at everyone. I'm not saying that I get it right all the time, as I'm sure the boys would tell you!!!! (It is usually the mud migrating in to my house, the huge pile of washing that I have to look at in my kitchen, their belongings left lying around and the state of a certain boys room, that tips me over the edge you see!!)

But I am feeling more in control these days. I don't think the sadness/frustration/regrets will ever be gone, but I am learning to deal with them and allow them to surface before squashing them firmly to the back of my mind where they belong. A good friend of mine helped me to see that.

We have been to visit our HE friends in Pembrokeshire for a few days. The children all had a fantastic time, and despite being together constantly for 4 days, they got along brilliantly. There were no real downs, despite the difference in eating and sleeping patterns between the two families. Boys and girls getting along together, playing with each other across the age groups. 2 boys aged 8 and 2 aged 12 and a girl of 15......would this have happened if they were schooled children? I think not!!!! Such is the beauty of HE

A beautiful place, with woodlands and beaches so close to each other. We had a fire on the beach and cooked baked potatoes, sausages and beans, Jon helped them all to make bows and arrows, and Jon and Rhiannon spent alot of time making and setting traps( not that they caught anything!).

My eldest son did not come with us, instead he stayed behind with Rob and they had a overnight camp in the woods. We exchanged photos of our fires and bragged about what we had cooked! In a friendly kind of way of course!

Whilst we were away, Tom sourced some metal for his Off Road buggy project and by the time we got back it looked like this....

It now has a roll cage which he has cut from a scaffold pole with the angle grinder and welded together. It is all his own work but the design and specifications come from this book, although I expect there will be a few modifications!! It has attracted quite a bit of attention from the neighbours and has been given a steering wheel and a lot of compliments!

My other son however is now the proud owner of three stick insects that have migrated from next door. He had them for about 2 months I think, MAX before the boredom set in. I wonder how long Jonathan will last!!Strange creatures, quite a pointless pet really but the boys like them and they can be fascinating even if only for a few minutes!!

David and I have started a new history resource that was reccomended to us by our friends in Wales, called The Story of the World. It comes in 4 different volumes from the beginning of history (!) up to the modern day. There is a story style book which I can read aloud to him and then there is another book with suggested activities and colouring pages etc in. It seems to really appeal to both me and David, so on to a winner there! It starts with an explanation of history and archaeology and encourages you to delve in to your family history. You suddenly realise that unless you make an effort to record or collect it, then it will disappear. Or at least some of the detail will.

We had a trip to Bletchley Park, home of the enigma machine, last week and although the weather was not very kind (wet and freezing!) we managed to have a reasonable look around the place. It has a lovely Home Front exhibition which I was very interested in. David and Jonathan were both fascinated by the old toys and the house display. Then it got me to thinking...what will remain from our time? With everything being so disposable, and our throw away society, what items will remain for our grandchildren to be looking at in a museum. Will they look at anything of ours in the same way as we looked at the displays from the 1940's? I can't imagine that they will. I guess that era is a very special one given its circumstances. I felt very nostalgic but strangely at home. Does that make sense? I really don't like the times in which we live and constantly battle against some of our 'advances'. I long to run away and live in the woods or some remote place in the hills. Somewhere where I can just be.

On that note...two exciting bits of news!

1)

I had a letter from the Parish Council to tell me I have an allotment that I can take over very soon!!!! Only a half plot but still we are thrilled to bits!

and

2)

We had a very special delivery today. 6 gorgeous Khaki Campbell duck eggs for hatching from this farm in Yorkshire. A lovely lady with a lovely website. We are so very excited about having ducks. I do hope that all goes well.

I have been doing some knitting recently, and had a go at a poncho for William....it has turned out quite well but needs a couple of small alterations. For a very small boy he must have a very big head!!!!

But overall, quite pleased with it.

And today was William's 3rd birthday. And a train cake I was planning. A nice chocolate train cake. And then, he watched Rainbow again a few days ago...and it is a Zippy cake he wants!!! He went to visit his Grandad yesterday with daddy and was telling him and his Uncle George about his Zippy cake!! So what could I do?!!!

Make a Zippy cake of course!!!!

And two lovely pictures of my miniature daffodils in my clay creation...

There really is a lovely light in our dining room on a sunny morning. The sunshine is my saviour.

The Survival Family definitely made a comeback today!!

And here we are...shelter from the drizzle for me and Willie as the catering corps, Tom and Jon in charge of the fire and David on wood collecting duty. Rob is obviously the cameraman here!!!

It is the first time in a long time that we have made a trip of this kind to our favourite remote woodland, and despite the threat of rain we had a great day. The food was all cooked to perfection,(thanks to George for the generous supplies!!) and went down a treat, with the addition of a few homemade rolls and cakes we were all fed and watered well.

Jon made a few arrows for his bow, David a spear and Tom did a great job of fire tending and cooking, although I don't think Scouts can take all the credit for his expanse of knowledge there!!!

It's amazing how long you can spend happily collecting the wood, making the fire, cooking and eating the food and yet it doesn't feel at all like hard work. The stress level is reduced to virtually zero because of us all being outside, and we are all totally happy. *sigh*

We came home and watched the woodland episode of Ray Mears 'Wild Food' to keep the feeling alive, but we would all have been quite happy to have stayed in the woods with a proper shelter with our lovely fire to keep us warm. It felt almost criminal to put it out with the heap of snow earlier today, and then come home to light another in our own fire place. Very strange.

It was also very strange to be doing all of that without a dog. Our dear Sophie went back to the dog's home yesterday..it is very sad but we were right in our decision. We had to put the family first and a dog of her breed was always going to demonstrate her strong herding and pack instincts with so many children in the family. It was reassuring for the lady to say all the same things that I had been saying for the last few weeks and for her to agree with our decision. Although it didn't make it any less sad. Rob said that Sophie had been put in with another couple of dogs there and looked quite settled when he left...I couldn't bear to go, and would have probably made it more difficult for everyone concerned. Emotional outbursts are no good in a situation like that, so I stayed home with David and we played Monopoly.

So here we are, dogless, and it feels very strange.

I think we will probably remain dogless for this summer at least, and will just keep our ears open for any suitable candidates that may arise to fill the position of Survival Family canine companion..it seems that Sonny is a hard act to follow.
And this is Willie's duck he made out of plastacine ( is that how you spell it?) tonight at teatime. No prompting, no help what so ever, he just made it and came over and was playing with making it quack and eating things!

It's a little blurry as it is taken with Rob's phone, but if you look carefully you can make out the tail feathers!!!!

Idle parenting...

Having read Tom Hodgkinsons book 'How to be free', I then went on to read his blog on the Idler website. But here comes a brand new book that I think will bring lots of points for discussion!!!
I for one can say, that if I am busy in the kitchen, (which is most mornings as we seem to eat one batch of bread and cakes each and every day!!!) the boys if left to their own devices will happily occupy themselves...sometimes Will and David together, sometimes they are apart. The older two are invariably outside somewhere in the workshop or garden.
There are days when we all do something together...either in or out but this usually is much more stressful than the natural separations that occur. Sometimes I long for days out together or activities as a whole, but at the moment that can be more harmful than enjoyable! We went to the museum together, and obviously our trips to the woods are together, but even then some kind of grouping occurs.
That doesn't mean I don't do anything with them if they want to, and I do try to instigate activities for them to try, and occaisionally when I'm having a wobbly day, I insist that they do something 'educational'...this usually equates to me finding a maths programme or workbook for them and then realising that it is a waste of time and that they are quite capable of doing these things, but are bored and uninspired by most of them.
One area that we are bad in is socialising on an organised level. We all shy away from this except Tom, who has always been involved in Scouts and now Explorers too.
That is something that we are trying to work on. Looking forward to HE camp in May!!! With a few nerves, obviously!!

Heritage Motor Museum, Marauders map and socks

Yesterday, we ventured out on a family day out to the Heritage Motor Museum at Gaydon in Oxfordshire. In fact, it is actually only a short drive away and Rob worked for 3 years just down the road from it, but we have never been there!!!!
It is next to the Landrover and Jaguar headquarters, so it is quite Landrover orientated, or should I say the employees are!! This obviously suited us (Tom) quite well and we started the visit with a chat with the man on reception. He pointed us in the direction of a few of the desired exhibits (HUE the first ever Landrover which has travelled worldwide, 2 cars that you can actually sit in and the timeline that runs the length of the building with cars from the vey beginning to present day) and spoke to the boys about the James Bond car which I consequently completely forgot to take a photo of!!!
But here are a few of the phtos I did take...

We all loved this car with its canvas roof and open sides, leather seats and enough of them for all of us to make a contender for the new Survival Family vehicle. Sadly there are very few of its kind and unlikely to be considered practical... ;-(Then there was the electric car made from plastic, tax exempt but not sure that would be enough of a carrot for me!!!

Now this is an MGB GT...I think my mum learnt to drive in one of these. Fabulous car,

but obviously been part of a messy divorce!!

Wooden cars for the younger ones to drive...with wooden foot pedals and indictors that actually stuck out like the old fashioned ones!! Will and David loved these!!!
While Rob and I were looking at the timeline road and wishing that cars these days were like these ones from the early 20th century still, one of the museum staff came over to us. I had a moment of sudden panic as only David was with us...Tom had Will with him, and Jonathan was momentarily out of sight. But I needn't have worried, he merely said that he could see that Tom was really interested in one of the cars and wondered if he would like to sit in it! Now there are only 2 cars that you are allowed to sit in, and this car wasn't one of them!

It is Lara Croft's Landrover and Tom got to sit in it!!! Well, they all did eventually, but he was first. The man told us that it was specially made for Angelina Jolie as an automatic, as she struggles with a manual gear box!!! Not so cool after all is she, eh?

A good day was had by all, ending with an Off road experience for Tom and Rob....a 10 minute off road course in a 2008 model 110.
And now for a couple of quick crafty pics...a Marauders map (from Harry Potter)that I made for David. You'll have to look closely!!!

And the socks/bootees I knitted for Will!!!! I think they turned out quite well. Jonathan wants a pair now too.

And tonight, breaking news....

Whilst sharing a very loving and relaxing bath with William this evening (has to be a first!!!) I noticed a few but very suspicious looking spots on his back....they looked slightly raised, almost blistery. You wouldn't happen to know anything about that, would you Han? ;-)

So we could be blessed with Chicken Pox for the next few weeks. Luckily Tom and Jonathan have had it already, but David was about 4 weeks away from being born when they had it so I guess he could be a candidate for spots too.

Red sky at night...

This is our back garden with the most beautiful red sky.... And this is my clay sun, desperately trying to encourage the real one out.

It is almost finished but when I moved it after painting, a couple of the 'rays' came loose. A reminder that you should always make it in one piece. Going to try to glue a felt backing to it in the hope that it will salvage it. I was quite pleased with it. I can't say I am, because I'm cross with myself for doing the very thing I warned Rob not to do with his clay car...and his wheels fell off!!!

Oh, and it has just started snowing again!!!!