All the things I can think.

Boys are watching 'Summerhill' on iPlayer at the moment. They watched it a year or more ago when I videoed it for them. It was watched a couple of times then I seem to remember and is captivating the 3 younger ones again now. It is almost as if they themselves are seeking reassurance about the way we are educating them! There has been much talk recently about the lack of academic work we do as a family.
I myself have been seeking reassurance again, but quietly.
The events of Tuesday evening have left me feeling very emotional and am finding myself asking lots of questions that I have no answers to.
I have sourced a book from the library called 'The Red Tent' by Anita Diamant that I read about on someones blog a while ago. Not sure whose blog. So if it yours, then thank you, I think it may be just what I need to read right now. I also intend to read another book by her called 'Good Harbor' which sounds equally as appropriate.
I seem to be spending so much time trying to make sense of things at the moment. So many thoughts in my head about so many aspects of life. Thoughts that are not clear or definite but are being mulled over.
Supporting Hannah during the birth felt so right. I followed my instincts and encouraged Han to follow hers; to listen to her body and go with it. Was that just because it was Han, or could I do the same for anyone? It has got me thinking again about something I have thought about before. The first time I thought about it was after the birth of David, my first homebirth. I realised just how important it was to have a supportive midwife. I don't think she realised what an impact she made on me....I learned so much from her, probably because she had a trainee with her at the time and she was explaining things much more than perhaps she would have ordinarily have done.
Life took a dramatic turn after David was born and so the idea was forgotten about until after the birth of William, my second homebirth. The knowledge that had been gleaned from her was the reason that I felt able to do it again, with or without a 'good' midwife.
Then I met Han and I learned about babywearing and attachment parenting........ and Doulas. Midwifery had always seemed such a daunting prospect...I wouldn't want to work in a hospital, but a Doula? Now maybe that could be a possibility.
I believe so strongly in natural birth and that given the right support ANYONE can give birth naturally. Because that is how we are designed. Yet so many people don't have or manage to find the right support.
There just isn't enough hours in the day for all the thoughts in my head.