10th post this month, goodness me!

I seem to have spent a lot of time blogging this month. I can't place the reason why. From my usual bank of information, I would deduce that I am feeling contented and happy to share with the world what is going on for us. After all, there has been a lot going on! Horse riding, welding, bike riding, camping, egg incubation, duck hatching, fencing, planting and growing, cooking, walking, reading, lapbooking.....the list is endless. I look at all that we are doing and know that the boys are happy. They are living life and learning from everything that they do or witness going on around them. They ask questions and expect answers, they find out information for themselves and share it with the family. They play together. They help each other...though obviously there is a fair amount of time when thoes last two things simply do NOT happen!!!
So from that it would seem that life is ticking along exactly how it should as an autonomously Home Educated family of four boys.
But on the other hand maybe I am just trying to show myself how good we have it? By looking at my blog it is almost looking at our family from the outside, with impartial eyes. No pre conceived ideas. And it looks good! A full and interesting life had by all!
So why do I feel so unsettled, STILL. We have a large house (all be it untidy and unkempt) and a good sized garden ( enough to grow veggies and keep chickens, with space left for the boys) but still I don't feel right. I feel almost as if I don't belong here, yet we get on well with the neighbours who are like minded as far as chickens and veggies are concerned. Our house needs new windows desperately, one of the french doors in thekitchen is hanging off its hinges!!, flue pipe for the Rayburn, probably a new boiler too really if we were honest. The front garden really needs a hard surface so that the boys can do things out there without getting covered in mud. The back garden needs a section of it turfing from where we took down the conifers and put up a new fence.
But to do these things, I need to feel settled here. The reality is that the house doesn't really work for us....no drive or garage...kind of hard with boys that want to tinker with cars etc and no where to keep the muddy boots etc out of the kitchen. So can I really justify finding the money to do all the things that need doing to make it liveable for the winter when it really isn't the right house for us?
Am I just too fussy? I should really be grateful for the roof over our heads, the lovely little close and village that we live in, our health and living the kind of life that we want to live (well as good as we can get to here). Am I just one of those people who will never be satisfied with what I have? No matter how many blessings I count, I just don't feel right.
A piece of land has come up for sale in a neighbouring village, with stables and paddocks within a stones throw of the canal....my heart leapt when I saw it, but it sank as quick as it had leapt when I thought about the logistics of it all. Couldn't buy a piece of land before selling the house. Can't get enough for the house anymore to pay for the land/boat without having an ENORMOUS loan. Yet still I dream. I long for a little bit of land. I long to live on a boat, yet I know that with four boys it would be virtually impossible without two boats!!!! So why do I torment myself?!!!
I want to live a simple life...we have far too much clutter, but it is all toys and things that the boys play with or use. So it isn't really clutter is it?!
The two eldest boys are off to church for the St Georges Day parade for scouts before going fishing, Rob is at work and that leaves me with the two littlies. A day of quiet puzzles, bricks and maybe the park I think. Maybe a froggy lapbook too.