Well this is what it feels like to live on your own. Wierd. They have all gone off to Cornwall to visit granny leaving me and Louis to fend for ourselves!
I feel strange. Can't really define in what way yet but I'm sure it will come.
The house is very quiet. But still very untidy as if they are here, but muted! I had vowed to have a good tidy up while they are away but the sun is shining this morning so I think I'll be off for a walk very soon.
I have a new (very old, 1960's) knitting machine to play with and I hope to have made a jumper for Will by the time they return, but I'm enjoying my freedom far too much to spend the morning sitting down or tidying.
I so needed a break from the boys...probably more so from William and David as they are the most demanding obviously, as it ios nearly 18 months since the last time I had any time to myself of any length. I don't think a bath counts really does it!
But I wish that Rob and I could have a break together you know. Just a day or two...just to go for a walk and just be together with nothing to get back for or to get up to. I'm not greedy...just one weekend. *sigh* It seems so impossible right now. So unachievable. So far ahead in the distance. I really wasn't ready for another baby, not when I sit and think about why I feel the way that I do. I had only just found Rob, and to have to share him with another whole being so quickly was, is so difficult. We have missed out on time to go out as a couple. Time to do the things that we all love to do. It's as if my life has foreshortened somehow. I have spent far too many years (Will is now 3) feeling this way and powerless it seems to do anything about it.
Balance is the answer I know, but how does one achieve it with no family close or that is interested in helping?
So these next few days, I am looking within. I'm sure everyone thinks I 'll just be lounging around with my feet up, but I have another aim for these quiet days. Mental peace. Something I have not had for a very long time.
Right, off for a walk...the canal I think!
Keep your eye on happy!
3 weeks ago
5 comments:
Aren't you doing well with all your blogging.....unlike me! I just don't seem to be able to focus at the moment.
I hope you enjoy your week of peace...can't imagine what that must be like!
I feel in a bit of a fog right now - spent yesterday snapping everyone's heads off. Feeling unsettled and have found a house that we want to buy but can't afford (at least not with our sensible heads on). Feel like I'm letting the children down at the moment - can't focus on doing things with them. Maybe there's something in the water. Think we all need some fun!
Afraid I've got no words of wisdom regarding Will/ Rob etc......but I know its been tough for you. Time will pass and the fog will lift....of that I am quite sure.
Us humans are funny things aren't we? It doesn't matter how many good things there are in our lives, we can only dwell on the down sides....that's aimed mainly at me by the way. But you just can't help it can you?
Have a lovely peaceful time of rest and reflection...you've earned it.
It's funny what you said about the focussing on the down sides no matter how many positives there are, because that is exactly what I was thinking after I posted it!! I must try to focus on the good and leave the bad in a box somewhere....shouldn't really be too hard to lose it in this mess!!
Yes, fog is a good way to describe it...can't see for looking.
Hi Carolyn,
So, were you still down the canal when I came to see you? Just wanted to check if you were relaxing. As for the feeling strange, yes you will. It's the not used to being free to choose what YOU want to do. Enjoy your few days. Enjoy the peace. Enjoy your new dog.
And just a bit of criticism, you vowed to have a good tidy up? Silly girl....forget it and promise yourself you will never again vow to do housework. LOL! Housework is one of them things that you squeeze in if you can, but you never ever vow to do it. And never loose sight of the fact that he/she who makes the mess should tidy it up themselves or at least help to. Bless them!!!
Tis hard to be a mum so take some time out to refresh yourself for their return. Bless you!
love Rebecca x
PS We went to the farm shop, twas brill. Wish I had had loads of money. Would have bought a chicken house, run, lambs,eggs to hatch, a cow, a grandma and a peacock to boot.....but I just got neck of lamb and a dead chicken to eat.....yum, yum!!
Hi Rebecca!!! Lovely to see you here. No tidying up done...at all! Just lots of walking, knitting, a little bit of baking (cakes and quiche for the freezer) and a few films...Pride and Prejudice, Miss Potter and Attonement.
Also planning a haircut...but don't tell anyone!
Loved your PS...made me laugh out loud! I feel the same when I go there too...esp the Grandma xx
Aww...{hugs}. What is it with us home educating mums? why do we feel so undeserving of a break and so guilty about needing a teensy weensy bit of headspace..? I know it doesn't help, but it is ok to feel crap about it. Friends of ours have a 'date' night once a week; they don't go out, but make sure ALL the kids are in bed(room)s from a certain time and are banished from appearing downstairs. (Apparently they spend the evening playing monopoly with each other, but hey ho, I guess it's better than nothing!). Dh and I have had one weekend away together from kids in 10 years; my parents and my sister looked after the 3 kids (1:1 ratio, pretty good). When we came back they met us coming down the street, they were *that* keen to hand the kids over! That was 5 years ago and needless to say they haven't offered to babysit since lol. P.s. I've an old knitting machine too (my mum's from 1970s). I remember the scarves and tanktops {g}. It's currently propping up the sofa...never have got the hang of it. Good luck with yours!
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